Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
