none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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