I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize