it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
