I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
