You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
