I have demons in me.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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