So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
