he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
