We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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