i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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