And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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