Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize