I think I died a long time ago.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
