there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
