he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
