My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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