I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
