the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
