You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
