i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
