I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
