Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
