Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
