I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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