Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
