My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
