Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
