Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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