Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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