Please, let me fuck your mom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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