Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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