This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
