Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
