whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
