just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize