when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
