My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
