we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your dad touched me again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
