I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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