Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
