Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
