I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
