Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
