you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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