Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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