Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
