Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i now understand why vodka
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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