i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
