Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
