eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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