I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
