One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
