Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
