Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
