Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
