I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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