so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
