i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
