He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
a search helicopter?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
