We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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