our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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