She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
