Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
